There once was a site on the web
That showed love for films on the ebb
Though you never would know it
The site loved its poets
The rhymsters abound, sheik and deb
Motion Picture Magazine held a monthly limerick contest celebrating popular film stars of 1916 and so I thought it would be fun to share these rhymes. And should the urge strike, you are welcome to present your own. (This is a family site so no hanky-panky!)
Entitled Drafts in Your Gloom Attic: A Limerick’s the Only Weather-Strip to Keep Out the Chilly Blues, the article also included caricatures of many of the actors.
ROSCOE, THE TRAGEDY CHASER
When I’ m tired of watching “vamping” by the mile,
And I wish to clean my mind out and to smile,
I go where that dimpled “Fatty”
Makes me laugh until I’m batty,
With his innocent and cunning baby smile.
Mabel W. Burleson.
Mabel rhymes “smile” with “smile” and while repeated rhymes are okay in limericks, I do have to deduct points.
Her charm is alluring and rare,
There are sunbeams enmeshed in her hair;
She heralds a day
Never gloomy or gray —
And I would that all dawns were as fair !
Alas, I cannot remark on the accuracy of this description as I have never seen Dawn on the screen but still photos show her to be quite lovely.
A PAIR OF BEAUTS!
My face is so funny it’s farcial,
It’s homely all over — not partial;
But I’ve found a “guy”
Who’s as homely as I —
Pleased to meet you, indeed, Tully Marshall !
Harry J. Smalley
ALL IN A “CAST” OF ONE “REEL”!
Poor Enid, ’tis always her fate
To be cast in the drama as “bait”;
The men take one look,
And just dive for the hook —
Which proves father’s wisdom is great !
RYE USED TO BE “WET”
Here he is, folks, Frank Daniels of Rye;
Oh, my! but he’s droll and he’s dry.
This is why it is dry
On Sundays in Rye.
(Did you ever see Frank wink his eye?)
Jos. S. PIaight.
C. GARDNER SULLIVAN
The garland of Fame is his lot,
His brain never misses a shot;
When he clutches his hair,
With a Byronic stare,
You can bet that he scents a good plot !
Seeing that Sullivan wrote Hell’s Hinges, I must concur!
NOT THAT WE CARE, BUT—
Don’t it give you a pain in your bones,
And make you emit cries and groans,
As you read, with a sigh,
Of your favorite “guy,”
“He’s married to Annabelle Jones!”
L. C. Hale
Not sure about this reference, if it’s a real person, a character, or a generic name.
EVERYTHING BUT POISON GUMDROPS!
I’ve heard it said — is it true?
Dear Mae. just give us a clue;
You’re so sweet and fair,
Now say, on the square,
Were Marsh-mallows named after you?
D. C. Stewart
CHANGING THE SUBJECT
In one of her plays Mary Minter
A barrel head-first she falls inter,
Showing all of us there
A be-you-tiful pair —
What wonderful weather for winter !
Harry J. Smalley
The super-dynamic Tom Ince
Is of Western directors the prince
The extras turn pale
And the props simply quail,
When he thru the camera squints!
RATHER, ON A MANLY BOSOM
The ostrich, pursued by a man, sir,
Will bury its head in the sand, sir
I wonder if she —
Miss Muriel — gee !
Would try it ? I pause for an answer !
Harry J. Smalley
HOLD YOUR BREATH— YOU’LL CATCH IT!
Johnny Hines, ’tis surely outrageous
To harbor a smile so contagious ;
‘Twould be wise, it would seem,
To compel quarantine,
Where laugh-germs would spring up cage us !
Gordon B. Dexter
This caricature is horrifying.
HER SMACKS ARE ALL CERTIFIED AND SCREENED
There is an appealing young Gish,
With a quirk to her mouth, and I wish
I might have the delight
Of being the knight
She kisses — it must be delish !
Mabel W. Burleson
AND THE VILLAIN STILL PURSUED HER!
Poor Myra is dogged by the master,
Who brings on her woe and disaster,
And we hope her next play
Will be lively and gay,
For she’s had enough trouble to last ‘er.
I think this refers to the serial The Mysteries of Myra, then in release.
MR. WILSON, GET BUSY!
“Helen Holmes is a girlie I like,”
Said a railroad employee named Mike;
Give her six hours per day,
And, with her winning way,
She’d soon stop all talk of a strike!
Earl W. Johnston
GIVING HIS STRENGTH AWAY
A cripple saw William S. Hart
In a typical William S. part;
He shouted “Hooray!”
Threw his crutches away —
And beat up a cop as a start!
Theodore A. Tinsley
All clippings courtesy of the Media History Digital Library.
Like what you’re reading? Please consider sponsoring me on Patreon. All patrons will get early previews of upcoming features, exclusive polls and other goodies.