Go away or I shall taunt you a second time! Animated GIF

burning-crucible-go-away

I wish I had weird little picture frame windows so I can do this to people who annoy me.

“Oh, I love old movies! Like, from 2010 even!”

Shove! Slam! Ha!

“I haven’t ever seen a silent movie, nor do I wish to, but I want to make a silent movie comedy for the internet. Can you tell me how?”

Poke! Slam! Smirk!

“I have a report due on a silent movie and I don’t want to see it. Can you tell me what happens?”

Smack! Slam! Eye roll.

“I know you’re doing a Chaplin centennial celebration but I think you should just make it about Buster Keaton because he was better.”

Disclaimer: I love Keaton but some of his fans… Oh lordy! I call it Keatonocity. Basically, it is the time between any mention of Charlie Chaplin and someone showing up demanding that you mention Keaton too. It’s measured in seconds. The only silent movie fans who have ever yelled at me have been devotees of Keaton, Valentino, Lillian Gish and Carol Dempster. (Needless to say, they were not the same person.)

(The GIF is from The Burning Crucible, which everyone should see. My review is here.)

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13 Replies to “Go away or I shall taunt you a second time! Animated GIF”

  1. Those other Keaton fans embarrass the heck out of me. In fact, my copy of Keaton’s autobiography, “My Wonderful World of Slapstick,” has an introduction written by a critic in the early 1980s which is mostly Chaplin bashing. Considering the fact that Keaton himself had great respect for Chaplin, I do not think he’d be pleased by such intellectual snobbery. Why do you need to knock other people down to build someone else up?

    Nothing wrong with passion for an actor/director/movie, but once it gets to hurting others… just stop it. Stop it and grow up.

    1. Yes, it’s like the Novarro fans who bash Valentino and whatever the heck is up with the Dempster vs Gish brigade. Everyone take a breather! These people have been dead for many years

  2. Ha! Many times I’ve discussed ‘old movies’ with friends and co-workers, and their idea of old is usually much different than mine (“Hey Todd, I like old movies, too…have you ever seen Stripes?”). And of course, black-and-white movies are to be shunned, strictly because they’re – gasp! – not in color. So normally what I do in response is to forgo the trick window ploy and administer a solid slap to the head instead.

    But I do have a question: Were those other italicized comments actually spoken to you by someone, or did you make them up? Either way, they’re funny, but I think my feelings towards the world populace would drop a few points if they were true.

    1. I’m sorry to do this to your faith in humanity but every single one of those statements have a basis in actual experience. πŸ™ We are doomed.

      1. Yeah, at work or in class when I tell people I love old movies, the response is usually one of these two things: “OMG, me too! I love Elf and old Disney films like The Lion King!” or “Ew. If I had to watch something from 1912, I’d shoot myself.”

      2. This is why we need the picture window. Or, barring that, a large trout with which to hit them.

    1. I am thinking of having one put in πŸ˜‰

      I can’t see the picture as I am not signed into Facebook (for the very good reason that I am not on Facebook) but I am sure the buttons are witty and appropriate.

  3. You’re right on the money about those so called silent comedies that people throw on Youtube. Let’s see, where do I begin? Titles for every single line of dialogue, acting that’s frantic instead of funny, and you can always tell that they’re recording the whole thing on high resolution digital cameras in black and white with a few scratches thrown in. Did I mention the omnipresent corny saloon piano music? The silent era gets so little respect these days it’s shameful. Of all the modern day silent comedies I’ve seen online, only a few get it right.

    And speaking of Gish vs Dempster, although I do like Carol D very much in some roles I would never in a million years argue that she was better than Gish, since Lillian had a great talent … But now I have this somewhat perverse desire to check out some of these flame wars you speak of… Just for laughs, of course πŸ™‚

    1. Yes, it’s so obvious that most of the “silent movies” on Youtube have been made by people who have never, ever seen one.

      The Gish vs. Dempster battles were all over the place, some of them from a while ago. Others were private messages and emails. I will let you know if I stumble across any good ones.

  4. Whenever I come across a Chaplin-basher they’re usually those elitist hipsters who scoff at any mention of what’s considered mainstream in silent films, despite the fact that silent film is a niche market in the first place! I remember being annoyed when a film documentary started to praise Keaton for being a “rebel” whilst treading the line of Chaplin bashing; poor Harold Lloyd wasn’t even mentioned! I’d wish that silent comedy fans would just live and let live, but honestly the Keaton Vs. Chaplin debate will go on as long as people feel the need to compare the men and their films.

    1. It cracks me up that people think Chaplin is mainstream when, as you said, ANYTHING silent is niche. I think it’s the key to the “Novarro is sooooo much better than Valentino” even though the men were very different in acting style and screen persona. But, but, but they both worked with Rex Ingram and they were both swarthy! (Does this line of reasoning strike you as just a tad racist? It does me.)

      Clearly, the answer is for us to start throwing popcorn at their heads every time they show up. Or push them out a tiny picture frame window.

      I hereby institute the No Drama Silent Fan Club! We love the movies but don’t want to hear about Rudy’s funeral, Buster’s divorce or any Clara Bow rumors.

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